i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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