out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
