so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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