Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
