Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
