This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
