But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
