I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
