So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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