I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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