Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
