had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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