Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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