Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
