How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
me + whiskey = a bad person
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
