Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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