In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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