I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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