Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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