Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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