mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
