the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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