I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
