capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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