There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
