so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
