Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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