When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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