we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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