I look better un-naked...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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