I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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