the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sext me about skeletons
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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