Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
