Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
