Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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