Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
