I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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