i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
