babies were throwing up all over the place
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
