Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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