I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
