"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dicks are not precious.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
