be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
