dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
