who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
