There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
