last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
