But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
