Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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