u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
