Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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