And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A bitchslap is in order.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
