she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
