Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
