i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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